“Fantasies and a picture of a dog? Where the deuce is this going?”, you think to yourself with a furrowed brow.
This week I found myself fantasizing a lot. Thinking about some time in the future when I am on vacation, walking the streets of Boston with my boyfriend, having a beer after a run, or finishing up with work and getting home to have dinner and go to sleep.
Constantly in a moment that is better than this one.
Fantasies aren’t a bad thing… right? They imply thinking about something good as opposed to those crippling fear-based thoughts that limit us (like sounding silly on a podcast… careful now, don’t want to get too carried away with that one).
“When your attention moves into the Now, there is an alertness. It is as if you were waking up from a dream, the dream of thought, the dream of past and future.” – Eckhart Tolle
While I don’t believe fantasies are always bad, the way that I have been using them is creating an expectation and, in turn, a fear. A fear that that expectation won’t be met.
So I now find myself reacting to defend this fantasy against things that are actually happening right now. How messed up is that?
Based on my fantasy of having a beer with my friends I become gravely disappointed when I have to get a flat tire fixed instead.
Based on my fantasy of being in the same city as my boyfriend I am more hesitant to commit to things right now because they might make that really difficult or impossible.
Doing this has been taking me out of what I need right now. Taking me out of what needs me right now.
So I’m gettin present n’ shyt.
Yeah, that flat tire is totally inconvenient (and costly as hell) but I actually had a lot of fun at Discount Tire toting around an adorable poodle I am dog sitting and pretending he is my own.
Yeah, I would love to be in the same city as my boyfriend, but time away has made us really good at writing letters. And really appreciate receiving them!
It’s all a process. I am no where near perfect at it. But taking this interest in what is going on right now has made it even more interesting than the fantasies. 😉